Dear Agony Aunts
I’m afraid that the demon drink raised it’s head over the holidays & in the heat of the moment I may have become a little over-excited & perhaps a teensy-bit aggressive with both hubby & the “in-laws”. Although I’m not usually prone to over-reaction I may have, perhaps, been a bit over-sensitive about the turkey while I was holding a large carving knife – & well, what with one-thing-&-another, I find myself in need of a good solicitor & the sort of psychiatrist prepared to help-out with a sympathetic diagnosis.
Not really necessary, old thing. We’ve always found that chanting “PMS, PMS, PMS” repeatedly during an interview under caution, combined with a long & rambling tale covering ritual abuse & alien abduction will usually carry the day.
We suggest that if you really feel that you need outside help that a radical women’s rights group (ideally one with a history of acts of senseless violence against men) is a better & cheaper alternative than either a solicitor or a psychiatrist – as both judges & most jurymen are afraid of them & therefore more likely to be sympathetic.