Dear Agony Aunts
I think my husband is cheating on me.
How can I confirm my suspicions & what should I do if he is?
Why on earth are you harbouring all this uncertainty & doubt? Of course he’s cheating on you – he’s a man & you’re married, QED.
Having dealt with the first part of your (very brief) e-mail we’ll equally briefly dispose of the rest.
If you want to hang on to the worthless, unreliable toad, we’d suggest a short, sharp shock possibly involving a late-night tearful denunciation & an electric cattle prod. To add to the effectiveness of this approach we’d usually suggest a short visit to the bimbo to express your concerns directly – & again the cattle prod may come in handy here.
A better solution we’d suggest, is to dump the evil sod & take him for everything he has – a good female solicitor can be of use here, & we’d suggest trying to get any hearings scheduled for a female registrar, if at all possible.
If neither of the above appeals we recommend something more permanent by way of a solution, to which end we have sent you a copy of our small e-pamphlet “Creative Widowhood.”