Signs & portents: March 2014 – Virgo

24 August – 22 September

MEN

March will perhaps not your best month professionally, say the fates, but it will be an interesting experience to see the other end of the contract-killing business.

WOMEN

In March your creativity & your various personality issues will continue to amaze & provoke those around you, say the fates, resulting in the appointment of a psychologist to provide an assessment to the court on your mental state throughout the whole unfortunate incident.

WIT & WISDOM

Paying for education is like paying for sex, only more expensive & less fun

This machine is only partly operational – it will accept coins.

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