Dear Agony Aunts
For many years I put up with my husband’s philandering & drunkenness for the sake of our 7 children & last week our youngest finally “flew the nest” leaving us together as a couple for the first time in over 25 years. I’m afraid that just a week together has reinforced what I have long felt; I’d like to kill the bastard as painfully as possible, but ideally without going down for it.
We’ve mailed you separately a copy of our small leaflet “Accidents in the home & how to engineer them” which we think will cover most of the things you will need to know.
In the unfortunate event of a successful police enquiry (unlikely even if you finish him off with an axe in front of a CCTV camera) we’d suggest that you do make sure that you have a ready & compelling defence; something long the lines of his repeated abuse followed by your anxiety attack brought on by the effects of the menopause is good we find. If you can persuade a doctor to prescribe you HRT in advance of the event you are pretty much guaranteed of an acquittal & possibly damages in an out of court settlement by one of the big drug companies.
Pay-back time, we think!