Dear Agony Aunts
I have inadvertently run-over my fiancé some 8 or 9 times, following a disagreement about his recent “lad’s holiday” which turned-out in fact to be with a local barmaid.
Any suggestions for getting him out of the rear axel & avoiding any legal problems?
We’ve got a couple of suggestions that will work best if you have access to the barmaid in question’s wardrobe; if you can’t get an item of her intimate apparel (possibly from a launderette or clothes-line) it might be possible to achieve the same results with a new garment but it will need to be of her size.
If your fiancé is stuck in the axel, & not just wedged against the floor-pan, much will depend in whether or not the car is drivable. If it is you should drive it, after closing-time, to the pub where the little madam works, leave a piece of her clothing (or reasonable substitute) under one of the seats, & torch it. If the car is not drivable perhaps you have a friend who could arrange a tow for you? Torching it outside your own home is a last resort but not likely to prove too difficult to explain to your average plod.
Next time don’t use your own car or be satisfied with a simple 1 or 2 “bumps”.