Signs & portents: April 2014 – Taurus

20 April – 20 May

MEN

In view of your long-held fears about being buried alive, say the fates, April is going to be an enormous relief to you when you are inadvertently processed by the local crematorium whilst looking for a gas leak.

WOMEN

Try to think of April as some sort of dress rehearsal, advise the fates, who add that things will probably actually be better on the night.

WIT & WISDOM

What exactly is the function of “flannelette”?

Death: nature’s way of telling you that you’ve been overdoing things….

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