Dear Agony Aunts
I’m currently 5 years into a 25-year stretch for armed robbery, possession, dealing, kidnap, aggravated assault & failing to observe a legal traffic sign. Following an unfortunate incident with another inmate, who suggested that my naturally fetching blonde hair was the result of the chemist’s art rather than nature’s, I am in permanent solitary confinement & not liable for parole any time soon.
As an intelligent woman with an interest in the world around me I find that time hangs heavy on my hands & I wondered if you had any suggestions; I should add that I’m quite keen to help people (as long as they deserve it) & I’m very empathic.
You would seem to be very well qualified to join us here on the Agony Aunts’ team where your experiences, not to say “inside” knowledge could really be of help to others.
We like the sound of you & we’ve taken the liberty of mailing you a contract for you to consider – we hope you’ll agree to join us in helping to make the world a better place.
Welcome back to being a productive member of society.