Sharing & caring #209

Dear Aunts

My fiancé has just been sent down for 25 years, 17 years, 22 years & 7 months (not to run concurrently) for GBH, a range of Class 1 drug offences, armed robbery & driving while disqualified. The tariff set by the judge means that he is unlikely to qualify for parole before 2070.

Before he was dragged from the dock he asked me to wait for him, & promised that when he gets out he will “go straight” & that we will have a lovely wedding, just like we always wanted.

The thing is, I’d quite like a family & by the time he gets out that’s not going to be very likely. I’ve thought about writing him a “Dear John” letter but his family know where I live which also makes things a bit more complicated.

Any advice?



Dear “Babs”

We do think it’s time for you to move on & get on with your life, although we appreciate that “family pressures” may make this a little difficult in your case.

It does sound as though your young man has perhaps got one or two teensy anger management problems & although we’re sure that deep down he is a gentle & sensitive creature, it’s the near-psychotic exterior that you have to deal with. For this reason (& because of the “family” issues) we don’t recommend sending him a “Dear John” letter but perhaps something that will do as well – a notarised death certificate. Simple, compelling & very final, it will him to draw a line under the past & get on with trying to avoid gang-rape in the showers.

A death certificate can be easily obtained by leaving a spare set of clothes on the beach, together with a note saying that you can’t bear to go on without your love by your side.

A simple bus ride, a bottle of cheap hair dye & a suitable new name & you’re free & clear.

Rest in peace.


Love can be no tougher....

Love can be no tougher….


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