Dear Agony Aunts
After a few difficult years I have decided that my marriage to Monty, my childhood sweetheart, is all but over. There has been little affection between us for some time, & the closest we now get to any sort of intimacy is when he shouts at me for not putting any sugar in his tea (he has a serious weight problem).
I am worried about how to support myself when we separate, Monty has always been the breadwinner (although it’s been like trying to get blood out of a stone to get cash for anything not involving betting or his damn traction engine collection) & I think that at 84 I’m a little old to enter the job-market.
How should I proceed?
The first thing to do is, of course, check-out the insurance policies & make sure that everything is in order there. Step no. 2 is to start putting copious amounts of sugar in his tea; this will have the effect of keeping him quiet & upping his blood pressure & weight.
For step 3, we suggest that you offer to help him work on his damn engines, or at least suggest that you accompany him to one of those interminable shows where men stand around discussing steam pressure & have oily rags sticking out of every pocket. A small nudge near a moving engine or exposed gearing & all your problems will be over – & let’s face it, it’s how he would want to go. He’d probably thank you, if he knew.