Dear Agony Aunts
After a difficult start to the year when I lost my dear wife, the house, her sweet puppy “Rover” & (saddest of all) my self-respect, sense of worth & my dignity, I am now ready to begin to move on & build a new life. Yesterday I was freed on appeal when the Supreme Court ruled that my convictions were unsound as the presiding Judge at my trial has now been sentenced for possession of 100 grammes of a Grad C narcotic.
The thing is, I’d insured the bitch for a considerable sum, ditto the over-priced shit-heap she had persuaded me to buy from her brother to put a roof over our heads. Now that I am released without a stain on my character (as they say) I’m keen to get the insurance company to cough-up the dosh so I can start to “party hearty” as God intended!
What’s the best way to send a warning to a large corporate organisation without leaving anything that the boys in blue might latch onto through those smart-ass forensic people? After my previous adventures I think anything that involves accelerators, chemicals & timing devices is right-out & I lack a serious knowledge of home-brew explosives.
Thanks for including the address of your hostel with your e-mail. It makes it much easier for us to send bulkier materials to you rather than just provide on-line advice.
Expect a visit from the PETA hit-squad any time over the next 20 minutes.
Time for Rover to bite back!