Signs & portents: July 2014 – Cancer

22 June - 23 July

22 June – 23 July

MEN

A lucky break for you in July, say the fates, when your ankle is fractured during a freak hose-pipe accident. They add that if you think that doesn’t sound too lucky that’s only because you can’t foresee what is going to happen to your spine during the ensuing ambulance crash.

WOMEN

You will walk down the aisle in July, in spite of a serious disagreement that same morning with your fiancé. Everyone will agree that you look like a picture, & it’s only following your arrest at the altar & subsequent prosecution for attempted murder, that people will realise that the picture they were thinking of was Guernica.

WIT & WISDOM

Cattle account for over 40% of greenhouse gas emissions; they’re trying to kill us all.

Buy now & avoid the rush.

Buy now & avoid the rush.

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