Signs & portents: July 2014 – Virgo

24 August – 22 September

MEN

Not to put too fine a point on it, say the fates, July will be the month when you get to learn what your wife really feels about you, at the same time as you learn about her progress at the martial arts class she has been taking for the past 6 months.

WOMEN

The fates say that you will in time come to regret your actions in July when you are forced to choose between another bar of hormone-soothing chocolate & the promise of eternal life.

WIT & WISDOM

Why do life guards sit in those very high chairs, wouldn’t it be better if they were in the water?

This machine is only partly operational – it will accept coins.

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