Signs & portents: September 2014 – Capricorn

22 December - 20 January

22 December – 20 January

MEN

September is not the best time for you to propose, warn the fates, as the object of your affections will be busy summing-up & trying to get the jury to demand the death sentence for you. You could always try the usher & hope for an escape rather than an acquittal.

WOMEN

The fates are not too convinced by your sudden conversion to militant Islam in September, nor by your frankly obvious fake, stuck-on beard.

WIT & WISDOM

Never trust a squirrel with a gun.

Some days you just can’t win….

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