Signs & portents: September 2014 – Aries

21 March - 19 April

21 March – 19 April


September will strain your normal good fellowship & general bonhomie to the limits, predict the fates, in a string of events that will begin when your wife trashes your new car under the wheels of a juggernaut & then elopes with the driver.


The fates are keen that you should not try too hard in September’s solo effort to make contact with life on other worlds, as the disappointment will be compounded by the discovery that your new boyfriend is not, as you had previously thought, from Venus, but from Venice (explaining both the language problem & his pronounced tendency towards dampness).


It’s always someone else’s fault if you look hard enough.

Free advice for September; "Duck."

Free advice for September: “Duck.”