Signs & portents: September 2014 – Taurus

20 April – 20 May

MEN

The fates predict great things for you in September when your alibi is not only rejected by the jury in record-breaking time but is actually adopted as the premise for a wildly successful TV sit-com. Although you will appear in the credits you won’t actually receive any cash – so just like the heist itself, then.

WOMEN

September is not going to be all bad, say the fates, since following the double amputation you will at least be eligible for a refund on the new shoes you had just purchased before the assistant tightened the laces just a little too far.

WIT & WISDOM

The water’s of Lethe are probably proof.

Death: nature’s way of telling you that you’ve been overdoing things….

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