Dear Agony Aunts
My husband has started carrying-on with a local barmaid younger than our daughter, & if that isn’t enough he has now started “dipping into” our holiday savings in order to buy her increasingly expensive gifts!
I’m worried that things will get out of control & that he will start raiding our retirement fund after he’s run through the money we put aside to visit our daughter in Australia next year. He’s alway been a bit on the “iffy” side (if you catch my drift) but this is the first time he’s gone so far off the rails that the neighbours have begun to talk about it! Perhaps it’s something to do with his 60th birthday next year?
I know that you often offer fairly drastic solutions to this sort of problem, but in this case I’d quite like to keep him around as he’s going to get a pretty big lump sum when he retires in a few years time. Once that’s in my handbag (via the joint account) you won’t see me for dust!
Any suggestions for reining him in?
Dear “Mrs. Annoyed”
We’d suggest a longer-term strategy than usual, if, as it seems, hubby has a slight tendency to stray. Clearly you don’t want to do anything that would put the pile of cash at risk but, at the same time, it would be nice if you could be assured that he wasn’t going to land you in penury until the cheque has cleared.
Have you considered some sort of incapacitating injury rendering him useless (& we know that with men it can be so hard to spot any difference) but still eligible for full benefits from his employer? Engineering what may seem to the casual medical observer as a simple stroke can be simply done with little more than a syringe, some gasoline & a “can do” attitude. The ensuing sympathy should guarantee the preservation of his pension & lump-sum entitlements & possibly result in extra payments to keep him in a nice nursing home while you get on with your life.
We’ve emailed you a copy of our small booklet “Husband exit management” & you’ll find all of the information you need in Chapter 4.
Bring us back a stuffed Koala.