Signs & portents: October 2014 – Aries

21 March – 19 April

MEN

October will see your financial position improve dramatically, say the fates, following your wife’s decision to sell most of your body for spare parts.

WOMEN

There will be little for you to cheer about in October, say the fates, which in view of the tracheotomy on the 5th is probably just as well.

WIT & WISDOM

Hallowe’en is a prefect time for indulging in cross-dressing.

For a better horoscope try a higher-denomination coin next time.

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