Signs & portents: October 2014 – Aries

21 March – 19 April


October will see your financial position improve dramatically, say the fates, following your wife’s decision to sell most of your body for spare parts.


There will be little for you to cheer about in October, say the fates, which in view of the tracheotomy on the 5th is probably just as well.


Hallowe’en is a prefect time for indulging in cross-dressing.

For a better horoscope try a higher-denomination coin next time.