Signs & portents: October 2014 – Cancer

22 June - 23 July

22 June – 23 July

MEN

October will see you come to terms with your God, say the fates, allowing you to escape eternal damnation in return for an eternity of clerical filing in purgatory.

WOMEN

October will seem a lot more fun after all the work for Hallowe’en’s traditional, family celebration lunch is done, say the fates, as your mother-in-law will be admitted into hospital with acute botulism poisoning.

WIT & WISDOM

God knows we need more atheists.

Buy now & avoid the rush.

Buy now & avoid the rush.

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