Caring & sharing #228

Dear Aunts

Over the years I have got used to my husband’s “little ways” & learned to tolerate him in spite of his uncontrollable gambling & his penchant for carrying-on with a set of rather vulgar young women, & now, after 44 years of an indifferent marriage, things are looking-up following a rather unexpected (& unprecedented) piece of luck on the horses.

With the money he has won we should be able to live in a very comfortable style for the rest of our lives but I am worried that he will waste it all on dodgy under-age tarts & dodgier three-legged nags.

How can I make him change this late in life?

“Nelly”

 

Dear “Nelly”

Sadly in our experience men seldom change, & even then rarely for the better. To protect your future happiness we’d suggest either having your husband sectioned for mental incompetence (try & make sure you get a female psychiatrist to carry out the assessment interview) with yourself named as proxy & responsible carer. Alternatively, & this is generally our preferred solution, help him to deal with his problems once & for all by shuffling off this mortal coil of woes & sorrows.

Frankly “offing” him is unquestionably the easier of the options before you, but we do understand that some women remain fond of their husbands long after they have outlived both their usefulness (usually before the end of the honeymoon) & their charm (usually before the end of the wedding reception). We’ve e-mailed you a copy of our little pamphlet “Accidents in the home & how to engineer them” & we’d particularly draw your attention to chapters 7 through 12 & the appendix headed “Forensics 101”.

Choose wisely.

Aunts

Love can get no tougher….

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