Signs & portents: November 2014 – Virgo

24 August – 22 September

MEN

November will see you relax a little, say the fates, saving your strength for the battles ahead. This is probably a good thing because you can expect your wife to regain consciousness on the 28th, & boy, is she going to be pissed at you!

WOMEN

The fates say that in November you will enjoy an extended respite from all your professional worries & have a chance to really think about the future. You will be made redundant on the 3rd.

WIT & WISDOM

An adequate performance is soon forgotten.

This machine is only partly operational – it will accept coins.

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