Signs & portents: November 2014 – Libra

23 September – 22 October

MEN

November 6th, in particular, will seem all too short for you to achieve everything that you want, say the fates. This includes being able to summon the ambulance before loss of blood causes your blood pressure to drop too far, rendering you unconscious yet again, & for the last time.

WOMEN

November is going to be good for you, predict the fates, who say that you will finally be able to put the recent unpleasantness behind you & to get on with your life, albeit in solitary confinement.

WIT & WISDOM

Outrage sells newspapers.

No animals were killed, harmed or even annoyed, in the production of this horoscope.

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