There is an infinitely large gap between not succeeding and utter failure. The first teaches us self-pity and caution; the latter teaches us the true nature of both Hubris and its twin, Nemesis. The bitter lesson always learned just a little too late.
Sometimes there are things you have to do that are worse than shooting your own dog.
Some days you just can’t catch a break. (Courtesy of Vimeo)
These were voted the best “one-liners” at this year’s Edinburgh fringe.
1. “I’m not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change” – Ken Cheng
2. “Trump’s nothing like Hitler. There’s no way he could write a book” – Frankie Boyle
3. “I’ve given up asking rhetorical questions. What’s the point?” – Alexei Sayle
4. “I’m looking for the girl next door type. I’m just gonna keep moving house till I find her” – Lew Fitz
5. “I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the ‘brella’. But he hesitated” – Andy Field
6. “Combine Harvesters. And you’ll have a really big restaurant” – Mark Simmons
7. “I’m rubbish with names. It’s not my fault, it’s a condition. There’s a name for it…” – Jimeoin
8. “I have two boys, 5 and 6. We’re no good at naming things in our house” – Ed Byrne
9. “I wasn’t particularly close to my dad before he died… which was lucky, because he trod on a land mine” – Olaf Falafel
10. “Whenever someone says, ‘I don’t believe in coincidences.’ I say, ‘Oh my God, me neither!”‘ – Alasdair Beckett-King
11. “A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a men’s singles event” – Angela Barnes
12. “As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting; but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer” – Adele Cliff
13. “For me dying is a lot like going camping. I don’t want to do it” – Phil Wang
14. “I wonder how many chameleons snuck onto the Ark” – Adam Hess
15. “I went to a Pretenders gig. It was a tribute act” – Tim Vine
Fed-up with the grind of taking a bus or bike to work every day on congested streets in Munich, Benjamin David started swimming there instead.
The pleasantly moist beer garden worker now packs his laptop and clothes into a waterproof bag which he puts on his back, dons his wetsuit and slides into the River Isar for his journey.
“It is beautifully refreshing and also the fastest way,” Benjamin David told Reuters Television.
“I used to go by bike or bus or car or on foot and you need much longer. Today the current was quite strong and I only needed about 12 minutes,” he said.
However, in winter the river, which flows near the center of the Bavarian capital, can get chilly, at temperatures of about 4 degrees.
Now there is a man who loves his job, possibly a little too much but nobody can fault his enthusiasm.
“Look, I know, I know. Just try not to look threatening……”
“But there’s only two of us and……”
“Ssshhh…. and just pray none of them can drive”