Edinburgh Fringe 2018

It’s maybe not been the best year for humour, but here are the 10 jokes voted the funniest, by ranking.

1. ‘Working at the Jobcentre has to be a tense job – knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day’ – Adam Rowe

2. ‘I had a job drilling holes for water – it was well boring’ – Leo Kearse

3. ‘I took out a loan to pay for an exorcism. If I don’t pay it back, I’m going to get repossessed’ – Olaf Falafel

4. ‘In my last relationship, I hated being treated like a piece of meat. She was a vegan and refused to touch me’ – Daniel Audritt

5. ‘What do colour blind people do when they are told to eat their greens?’ – Flo and Joan

6. ‘I’ve got a new job collecting all the jumpers left in the park at the weekends, but it’s not easy. They keep moving the goalposts’ – Darren Walsh

7. ‘Trump said he’d build a wall but he hasn’t even picked up a brick. He’s just another edinburgh.jpegmiddle-aged man failing on a DIY project’ – Justin Moorhouse

8. (Equal) ‘I lost a friend after we had an argument about the Tardis. I thought it was a little thing, but it seemed much bigger once we got into it’ – Adele Cliff

8 (Equal) ‘Why are they calling it Brexit and not The Great British Break Off?’ – Alex Edelman

10. ‘I think love is like central heating. You turn it on before guests arrive and pretend it’s like this all the time’ – Laura Lexx.

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Smile

These were voted the best “one-liners” at this year’s Edinburgh fringe.

1. “I’m not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change” – Ken Cheng

2. “Trump’s nothing like Hitler. There’s no way he could write a book” – Frankie Boyle

3. “I’ve given up asking rhetorical questions. What’s the point?” – Alexei Sayle

4. “I’m looking for the girl next door type. I’m just gonna keep moving house till I find her” – Lew Fitz

5. “I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the ‘brella’. But he hesitated” – Andy Field

6. “Combine Harvesters. And you’ll have a really big restaurant” – Mark Simmons

7. “I’m rubbish with names. It’s not my fault, it’s a condition. There’s a name for it…” – Jimeoin

8. “I have two boys, 5 and 6. We’re no good at naming things in our house” – Ed Byrne

9. “I wasn’t particularly close to my dad before he died… which was lucky, because he trod on a land mine” – Olaf Falafel

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10. “Whenever someone says, ‘I don’t believe in coincidences.’ I say, ‘Oh my God, me neither!”‘ – Alasdair Beckett-King

11. “A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a men’s singles event” – Angela Barnes

12. “As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting; but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer” – Adele Cliff

13. “For me dying is a lot like going camping. I don’t want to do it” – Phil Wang

14. “I wonder how many chameleons snuck onto the Ark” – Adam Hess

15. “I went to a Pretenders gig. It was a tribute act” – Tim Vine

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Not exactly as planned

trump-workers-global-warming

Looking back at the Trump Presidency it became clear that his refusal to believe in or act upon the effects of climate change directly resulted in the failure of his “Trump Wall of the Americas” to keep out large numbers of migrant workers; who simply floated over the border and became a permanent feature of the new Trump Spa centres and Trump Water Sports parks that replaced most of what had once been known as Texas.