Some days you just can’t catch a break. (Courtesy of Vimeo)
These were voted the best “one-liners” at this year’s Edinburgh fringe.
1. “I’m not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change” – Ken Cheng
2. “Trump’s nothing like Hitler. There’s no way he could write a book” – Frankie Boyle
3. “I’ve given up asking rhetorical questions. What’s the point?” – Alexei Sayle
4. “I’m looking for the girl next door type. I’m just gonna keep moving house till I find her” – Lew Fitz
5. “I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the ‘brella’. But he hesitated” – Andy Field
6. “Combine Harvesters. And you’ll have a really big restaurant” – Mark Simmons
7. “I’m rubbish with names. It’s not my fault, it’s a condition. There’s a name for it…” – Jimeoin
8. “I have two boys, 5 and 6. We’re no good at naming things in our house” – Ed Byrne
9. “I wasn’t particularly close to my dad before he died… which was lucky, because he trod on a land mine” – Olaf Falafel
10. “Whenever someone says, ‘I don’t believe in coincidences.’ I say, ‘Oh my God, me neither!”‘ – Alasdair Beckett-King
11. “A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a men’s singles event” – Angela Barnes
12. “As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting; but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer” – Adele Cliff
13. “For me dying is a lot like going camping. I don’t want to do it” – Phil Wang
14. “I wonder how many chameleons snuck onto the Ark” – Adam Hess
15. “I went to a Pretenders gig. It was a tribute act” – Tim Vine
Fed-up with the grind of taking a bus or bike to work every day on congested streets in Munich, Benjamin David started swimming there instead.
The pleasantly moist beer garden worker now packs his laptop and clothes into a waterproof bag which he puts on his back, dons his wetsuit and slides into the River Isar for his journey.
“It is beautifully refreshing and also the fastest way,” Benjamin David told Reuters Television.
“I used to go by bike or bus or car or on foot and you need much longer. Today the current was quite strong and I only needed about 12 minutes,” he said.
However, in winter the river, which flows near the center of the Bavarian capital, can get chilly, at temperatures of about 4 degrees.
Now there is a man who loves his job, possibly a little too much but nobody can fault his enthusiasm.
Lin-Jao was pretty much the “go to” guy for basic maintenance and decorating chores back at the base, but he’d begun to feel like a “fifth wheel” on these mountain training exercises. At least he was doing better than the guys who looked after the camels.
In retrospect Janesh was lucky that the governments “improved literacy” programme coincided with the WWF’s efforts to enhance the relationship between the local population and the few remaining elephants living wild in the bush. In fact the savings from his salary for teaching what he described as “the indigenous illiterate population” and the stipend from the WWF, for what he called “cultural assimilation,” allowed him to buy-up the local land which he turned into a mall with extensive parking and the first in a global chain of “Jumboburger” fast-food franchises. This is the last known photograph of Janesh and one of his students sharing extracts from “The Art of the Deal” before the herd disappeared.
Looking back at the Trump Presidency it became clear that his refusal to believe in or act upon the effects of climate change directly resulted in the failure of his “Trump Wall of the Americas” to keep out large numbers of migrant workers; who simply floated over the border and became a permanent feature of the new Trump Spa centres and Trump Water Sports parks that replaced most of what had once been known as Texas.