Not exactly as planned


Looking back at the Trump Presidency it became clear that his refusal to believe in or act upon the effects of climate change directly resulted in the failure of his “Trump Wall of the Americas” to keep out large numbers of migrant workers; who simply floated over the border and became a permanent feature of the new Trump Spa centres and Trump Water Sports parks that replaced most of what had once been known as Texas.


Caring & sharing #202

Dear Agony Aunts

I have been approached by a young man who wants to marry me in order to get a visa & work permit. He has explained that the arrangement would only be “platonic” & temporary, & that after 2 years we would divorce – possibly “freeing me up”, as he puts it, to repeat the process with his brother.

Normally I would not even consider anything illegal (which I believe that this sort of scheme is) but to be honest things haven’t been going too well recently & a bit of extra cash would be very useful, especially now that they have cut overtime down at the abattoir. There is is also the problem of what I say to the shiftless bastard that I’m married to at the moment (who young Dobi doesn’t know about & who might be a bit of a sticking point).

What should I do?



Dear “Ingrid”

Accept the offer if the fee is large enough & then deal with the husband in a way which is both sensitive & yet difficult to prove.

We’ve sent you our pamphlet “Accidents in the home & how to engineer them” & would suggest that you make sure that his Will is up-to-date & that any insurance policies are fully in order. After that use the booklet to enjoy a little creative fun.

As a matter of course we’d suggest asking for payment in advance & by way of a Banker’s draft or wire transfer, taking care that you wait to ensure payment has cleared before taking any action. We’d also suggest making sure that Dobi is fully implicated in the whole process, both by way of an alibi/fall-guy (in the unlikely event that you should need one) & as a possible source of revenue in future years.

Congratulations on your engagement.


Love can be no tougher....

Love can be no tougher….