2012 – ThursdayAgain

Dear “Members of the Great & the Good”,

I was just sitting here, reading the global news & thinking about how any group might be able to come back from the humiliation of losing so totally, & I thought I’d share my thoughts with you. Now I am not a citizen of the US & I have no particular affinity to either of the main parties, nor do I have any affection for politicians in general.

It seems to me, as an outsider, that the recent election, think back you remember – when all those people were shouting at each other on TV, was lost by the GOP rather than won by the other guys. To avoid this happening again in 2016 I think there are a few simple lesson that can be learned, & a few strategies that can be put in place to guarantee a landslide victory.

Many of the ploys introduced by GOP-friendly officials for the 2012 election either backfired or were just not effective. Obvious example: had Jesus tried to vote he would have been unable to produce 2 forms of photo ID, even if his citizenship claim had been processed in time. Now the son of God is a huge favourite with the Tea Party folk & for him not to be able even to share his party preferences (& remember he is voting for 3) seems unjust in the extreme. So guys, time to knock-off the attempts to keep all the poor non-whites from voting; just go back to offering them cash to do “the right thing” (maybe with a burning cross in the background to deter backsliders).

Now we are in the groove let’s be honest here, the Son of God would make a great candidate for 2016 but the Washington insiders will have to make a few changes to get him on the ticket. In the first place there is all that business of separating Church & State; clearly while that is meant for Moslems, Jews, Catholics & athiest-hippy liberals without shed-loads of cash, it would prevent the Lord from standing for political office, even for the GOP. So let’s see a little urgency here & get an exemption in the constitution to avoid discriminating so unfairly against God & his family.

Now I know that you have already spotted what might seem to be a serious flaw in the whole idea here because Jesus was not technically born in the US. Trust me, this at least is easy to fix; offer Israel statehood as part of a new defence funding arrangement & straight away you’ve dealt with the Middle East & pretty much tied-up 2016 for significantly less cash than you blew in 2012.*

As long as the Lord isn’t a registered Democrat I think you just have to see this a sure-fire winner, that will energize the party’s grass roots & play well with the poorer non-whites. Let’s face it, who is going to risk pissing-off “The Man” by voting against His boy?

So good luck guys, & if you manage to get him on the ticket, put in a good word for me.

Yours

R.H.

* Extend a similar deal to Austria & you could get the former governor of California on the ticket as VP. The Lord & the Terminator on one platform? How could that fail?