Edinburgh Fringe 2018

It’s maybe not been the best year for humour, but here are the 10 jokes voted the funniest, by ranking.

1. ‘Working at the Jobcentre has to be a tense job – knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day’ – Adam Rowe

2. ‘I had a job drilling holes for water – it was well boring’ – Leo Kearse

3. ‘I took out a loan to pay for an exorcism. If I don’t pay it back, I’m going to get repossessed’ – Olaf Falafel

4. ‘In my last relationship, I hated being treated like a piece of meat. She was a vegan and refused to touch me’ – Daniel Audritt

5. ‘What do colour blind people do when they are told to eat their greens?’ – Flo and Joan

6. ‘I’ve got a new job collecting all the jumpers left in the park at the weekends, but it’s not easy. They keep moving the goalposts’ – Darren Walsh

7. ‘Trump said he’d build a wall but he hasn’t even picked up a brick. He’s just another edinburgh.jpegmiddle-aged man failing on a DIY project’ – Justin Moorhouse

8. (Equal) ‘I lost a friend after we had an argument about the Tardis. I thought it was a little thing, but it seemed much bigger once we got into it’ – Adele Cliff

8 (Equal) ‘Why are they calling it Brexit and not The Great British Break Off?’ – Alex Edelman

10. ‘I think love is like central heating. You turn it on before guests arrive and pretend it’s like this all the time’ – Laura Lexx.

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Moments in automotive history #150

automotive darwinism

The sudden ubiquity of selff-driving vehicules and stunning advances in AI resulted in the almost immediate appearance of “Automotive Darwinism,” with larger predatory vehicles destroying smaller, weaker examples for spare parts and hanging air fresheners.

People with issues #323

A disputed goal at the end of a match in the Greek Superleague between Paok-Salonica and AEK Athens led to a pitch invasion by one of the team owners, who appeared to be carrying a gun.

Fernando Varela scored with a header in the final minute of the game, putting the home team, Paok, ahead 1-0 and on course to close the gap between themselves in third spot and leaders AEK.

The referee signalled a goal but then changed his mind to rule the player offside, after appeals from AEK and referring to one of the linesmen.

Paok’s owner, the businessman Ivan Savvidis, came on the field twice and was accompanied by bodyguards. On the second occasion, without his overcoat , Savvidis appeared to be carrying a pistol (which was in its holster).

AEK officials claimed Savvidis threatened the referee during his first foray onto the pitch, before being pulled away.

The game was suspended and the crowd was told to disperse. Adding to the widespread confusion, there were claims that the referee, Giorgos Kominis, had allowed the goal.

Ivan Savvidis enters the pitch for a second time, carrying what appears to be a pistol.

Shooting from the hip?

The Superleague’s website recorded the match as a 0-0 draw and showed AEK still leading the table on 55 points, with Olympiacos in second on 53 points and Paok still in third on 50.

An official statement was expected from the league. In the meantime this guy would be a great addition to the NFL.

Slowly does it

An English pub canceled a charity snail race after the unseasonably icy weather made the potential competitors too slow to compete.

“The cold snap has led to a medical problem with our racing snails – it’s called hibernation,” the Dartmoor Union Inn in southwest England said.

Temperatures across much of Europe are still below normal for the time of year, and British weather forecasters have warned of bitterly cold winds and the return of snow that could disrupt transport and cut off rural communities over the coming week.

The Dartmoor Union Inn said it planned to reschedule what it had billed as “The 1st International Snail Grand National”, in aid of a local air ambulance service, once the weather warms up.snow snails