Dear Agony Aunts
Over many years my husband has continued to amaze me; every time I think he cannot become any more useless or disgusting he manages to prove me wrong. His latest drunken exploits, involving the vicar’s 17 year old daughter, the village hall & a soon-to-be-infamous web video, have made life extremely unpleasant for us & managed to turn the last of the neighbours to whom we were still speaking, against us.
I am planning to move away as quickly as possible but before I go, & before I can put this latest episode behind me, I’d like to take the opportunity of settling a few scores & making the move as a widow.
Any suggestions (the more unpleasant the better)?
“Jesse”
Dear “Jesse”
We’ve sent you our small pamphlet “Accidents in the home & how to engineer them” & we suggest that you sit down with a good bottle of wine & work your way through chapters 5 – 11. We’d also especially draw your attention to chapter 17 & the various suggestions for video recording & anonymous posting on the YouTube. It should give you (& the vicar) many happy memories of what we hope will be an enjoyable, if extended, moment.
Let us know how things pan out – & remember, getting blood out of soft furnishings is best done using cold water, soft soap & potash.
Aunts
ThursdayAgain 
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