Dear Agony Aunts
My fiancé has run-off with the vicar & all the wedding presents.
What should I do?
“Janet”
Dear “Janet”
You don’t say if the vicar was male or female (life has got so much more complicated in recent years) although in truth it probably doesn’t make that much difference unless you want the sad loser back in your life. If you do want him back (& we’d strongly advise against it) & the vicar is a woman, there might be some chance – possibly with the aid of a domestic fire or an unfortunate drowning accident (we’ve sent you a copy of our small leaflet “Accidents in the home & how to engineer them”). If the vicar is a man, forget it.
As regards the rest of the problems you should cancel the bookings for the reception venue, the caterers, the cars, the organist & the choir. It would also probably be a good idea to let the guests know – they may be able to get the price of the presents back where they have bought them using a credit card.
After that we’d strongly recommend taking to excessive drinking & the occasional use of recreational drugs to cope with the disappointment; it worked for us many, many times.
Aunts
ThursdayAgain 
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