People with issues #322

otherpiedpipeer

Gustav’s lifelong ambition to win renown as the last of the “big game” hunters was somewhat hindered by his agoraphobia, hodophobia, agrizoophobia and his crippling neophobia. In spite of all his problems, however, he did continue to decorate his 3rd floor apartment with trophies of his many urban kills and as a result gained some local fame and notoriety until an unfortunate incident with the neighbour’s elderly cat resulted in him being removed and taken into care at a secure residential facility in the Ozarks.

Caring & sharing #153

Dear Agony Aunts

I have just lost my wife & am suffering both from loneliness & a sense of guilt because I didn’t treat her better – & because I was driving & blind drunk when the accident happened. Fortunately the police decided not to prosecute (so being a freemason has paid off in the end) & I am trying to get on with my life.

How can I avoid these feelings next time & could you recommend a good dating agency?

“Tony”

Dear “Tony”

We don’t think you were supposed to have mentioned being “on the square” but in light of the rest of your mail who cares?

In future when you’re driving after tanking-up, make sure that you are alone & that you have picked the “scenic” route home. We feel pretty sure that you’ll not need to worry about feelings of guilt for long, nor indeed about finding a good dating agency – & of course, there won’t be another “next time”.

Aunts