People with issues #297

Billy enjoyed spending time with his daughter & granddaughter. In turn they had fun on the trip to Sea World where, immediately after this picture was taken, they threw the annoying bastard into the piranha tank.

Just another day at the office #233

By taking the short-cut across the pond, Peter was able to arrive at work 212 seconds earlier than previously. Sadly he was eaten by an escaped school of piranha before his increased productivity could be rewarded in the year-end bonus.

View from a Rhino House: testicular terror

Swedish men have been warned to keep their swimming trunks on when swimming off the country’s southern coast, after a South American fish known for attacking testicles was discovered in the area.

The warning came after a fisherman in the Oresund Sound last week retrieved a 21 cms pacu; a relative of the piranha that is commonly found in the Amazon region.

“Keep your swimwear on if you’re bathing in the Sound these days – there are, maybe, more out there!” cautioned a spokesman for the National History Museum in neighbouring Denmark.

The largely freshwater fish, which can grow up to 90 cms & weigh up to 25 kilos, has been nicknamed the “ball cutter” for its attacks on testicles.

Living mainly in rivers & deltas in the Amazon & Orinoco basins in South America, they have also been spotted as far away as Papua New Guinea, where it is believed they were been introduced to boost fish stocks. (How the hell does that make any sense?) The fish have also been reported in several US states; in 2006 officials at one Texas lake put a $100 bounty on each pacu caught there.

But this is the first time a pacu has been caught at sea in Europe.

“The pacu is not normally dangerous to people but it has quite a serious bite, there have been incidents in other countries, such as Papua New Guinea where some men have had their testicles shredded or bitten off,” Henrik Carl, a fish expert at the Danish museum, said.

“They bite because they’re hungry, & testicles fit nicely into their mouths,” he added (too much information Henrik, way too much information).

“The pacu’s mouth is not so big, & it normally eats nuts, fruit, & small fish, but human testicles are just a natural target. It’s not normal to get your testicles bitten off, of course, but it can happen.”

The pacu is very similar in appearance to its more famous cousin, the piranha, he said (but much, much bigger Henrik, way, way bigger).

“They are almost identical to the piranha, you couldn’t even tell from the outside. It’s just that they have different teeth. Flatter & stronger, perfect for crushing, & set in a slightly different shaped jaw,” he added.

Mr Carl said that the discovery of one pacu, which is currently undergoing DNA tests to confirm its identity, should not keep men out of the water. But if more were found in the area, it could become a serious problem, he suggested.

“This one was the first, but who knows, it’s probably not the last.”

I may never swim again, even the pool looks threatening & the tub is a real “no-go” zone.

“Ouch…….”