Dear Agony Aunts
After a fairly difficult few years together my husband has started to see another woman & has said that he wants a divorce. Although frankly I can’t stand the sight of him these days I don’t like the idea of him waltzing-off with half of all our possessions & setting-up home with his floozy!
Any suggestions?
“Denise”
Dear “Denise”
Have you considered some sort of retribution against them both? We ask because if you have it would be a good idea to get something sorted out before he actually makes off with half of your worldly goods.
We’d suggest some sort of joint action which would allow you to retain your hard-earned property (& it sounds like he has been very hard work) while allowing the love birds to spend eternity together. Perhaps some sort of accident at their love nest or a dubious adulterer’s hotel, possibly involving faulty electrical good or wiring (generally undetectable or unattributable) or a fatal joint bathing incident (looks like suicide & has the benefit of dodgy sexual overtones).
If neither of the above appeal why not go for the simple & direct approach – a hit & run accident involving a stolen car, or even better, truck. With a reasonable degree of care & some basic precautions on your part, you can pretty much guarantee that the finger will not be pointed in your direction, whilst being able to make sure that the job is done properly. Indeed in our experience it can be very cathartic to make sure the job is done properly by reversing & repeating the process two or three times.
We’ve e-mailed you our small pamphlet “Husband exit management” to help you get the creative juices flowing just in case you’re looking for something a little more spectacular than our off-the-cuff suggestions.
Get it on.
Aunts
ThursdayAgain 
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