Caring & sharing #147

Dear Agony Aunts

I have been engaged to my fiancé for seven years & he still isn’t ready to “name the day”.

How can I “gee him up” a little?

“Patience”

 

Dear “Patience”

“A little,” you say; we’d suggest that is not nearly good enough, after 7 years he doesn’t need “geeing up” he needs resuscitation.

Let’s face it dear, if he’s not ready to name the day by now, he never will be. You need to dump this loser & find someone who actually is prepared to marry you. We’d suggest selling off the ring & using the money to pay the fees to join one of these internet dating organizations – these days they’re so respectable that even your local church will have one – & we’d suggest using a flattering photograph (& possibly touching it up with Photoshop) & lying thought your teeth when you fill in the profile. Remember everybody else is lying on theirs, so nobody will be surprised if you are few years older, a few kilos heavier & a lot less adventurous than you seem on the web.

We’re sure that if you follow our advice you’ll be traipsing up the aisle with some other desperate soul in no time at all.

Aunts

Love can be no tougher….

Sunday on the warm & slow

Today, this my entire contribution to peace, love & culture. Whatever.

The chances of me posting anything before Monday once again vary from “almost none,” through “none,” to somewhere seriously south of of “zip.”

Enjoy your Sunday.

“You have to laugh….”

Signage #103

The shameful truth about rapid mass-transit systems….

Caring & sharing #134

Dear Agony Aunts

After some seven years of living together my boyfriend has at last proposed. If it had happened in the first year or two I would have been excited & thrilled, if it had been during our third, fourth or even fifth year together I would have been pleased – but frankly this far in I find myself just wondering why he’s bothered. I should add that before his bombshell, I had already decided to leave him between our Easter holiday in Corfu & before his birthday in October.

I’m still looking forward to getting my life back but I wondered if you might be able to suggest some special way in which I could demonstrate my utter contempt for him as I close the front door for the last time.

“So out of here”

 

Dear “So out of here”

There is of course an obvious answer here & one that we have found to be most satisfactory on a number of similar occasions. A small incendiary device wired to the front door, should deliver a most satisfactory message as the door is slammed one last time. 

How was Corfu?

Aunts

Love can be no tougher….