Dear Agony Aunts
Even though my boyfriend, Terry, said that as long as we did “it” standing-up I wouldn’t get pregnant I’m starting to put on weight & I feel sick before lunch every day, even when we have the canteen’s cauliflower cheese to look forward to, on Tuesdays. My best friend Debs, who sits next to me in the office, says that he told her the same & now she is having the same problems.
We’ve both tried to talk to Terry about this, but he won’t “talk personal” (as he calls it) in work time because he says that the shareholders (he is the company’s CEO) aren’t paying him to deal with our “personal little problems”. The thing is when Debs & I went to his house to see him, his wife shouted at us & threw a bucket of water over us, which ruined my new fun-fur bra & spoiled Debs best, almost-silk, blouse.
Do you think I (we) might be pregnant & how can Debs & I explain this to Terry? He’ll probably shout at us for doing it wrong or something.
Alice (& Debs)
We think Terry might have misled you a little here, in more ways than one & think it is very likely that you’re both indeed, “with child” as we used to say. So a quick visit to the doctor might not be amiss.
It is always difficult when work & personal lives collide, especially when one of the parties involved is so much senior to the other(s) – & although you don’t say we’re guessing that neither you nor Debs are members of the Board.
We fear that Terry is not likely to prove either readily available to discuss your concerns either in, or out, of working hours; nor hugely sympathetic to your predicament(s). Time to move on to “retribution” rather than “resignation” we think (you can look these words up on-line if you’re not sure about what they mean) & move on with life.
We have mailed you one of our helpful little e-booklets, “Moving-on. How to do it without facing a custodial sentence;” it does have rather a lot of long words in & some of the diagrams are a bit complicated, so we suggest using one of the amusing methods described in the “newbies” section (the humorous “pineapples” in the auto-erotic asphyxiation ploy always make us chuckle)
Time to “off” the bastard & remember, oranges are not the only fruit.