People with issues #267

Although she rarely left the convent, Sister Eulalia had an almost hypnotic way with some of the disturbed young men on the rougher side of town. — Although she rarely left the convent, Sister Eulalia had an almost hypnotic way with some of the disturbed young men in the bars & pool halls on the rougher side of town.

View from a Rhino House: don’t look up!

Let’s be honest, when you think about crocodiles & alligators (if you think about them at al), you think of them lumbering around on the ground or lying in wait in the water – not climbing trees. However a University of Tennessee study has found that the beasties can climb trees

The team observed checked on species on 3 continents, Africa, Australia, & North America, & examined earlier studies & anecdotal evidence. They found that there are four species that regularly climb trees, & how close they got to heaven depended on their size. The smaller animals were able to climb higher than the larger ones & some species were observed climbing as far as four metres high in a tree & five metres along a branch.

“Climbing a steep hill or steep branch is mechanically similar, assuming the branch is wide enough to walk on,” the study reported. “Still, the ability to climb vertically is a measure of crocodiles’ spectacular agility on land.”

The beasties seen climbing trees, both at night & during the day, were nervous at being approached, jumping into the water when an approaching observer was no more than10 metres away. (They can jump?)

“The most frequent observations of tree-basking were in areas where there were few places to bask on the ground, implying that the individuals needed alternatives for regulating their body temperature,” the authors wrote. “Likewise, their wary nature suggests that climbing leads to improved site surveillance of potential threats & prey.”

So I guess it’s back to hiding under the bed with a broom handle for protection (they can’t jump on you under the bed, & there’s no point in trying to climb a tree to get away).

Good thing I wore a hat..... — Good thing I wore a hat…..

Top billing….

The devil is in the detail.

You have to watch to the end to find out what happened……

View from a Rhino House: Ass-ing about

In Brussels the Belgian police have demanded that Lola, a theatrical donkey, be removed from the balcony of a cultural centre the city, after neighbors complained about her loud braying.

Lola is hanging-out on a first-floor balcony while she performs in a play at the Arab Cultural Centre, located in the same building. Staff had laid out straw and a bucket of water so she could get some fresh air when not performing.

Police have ordered Lola’s keeper to move her inside after receiving complaints about the donkey making too much noise.

Lola was still outside on Friday, and the (extremely pissed)-off) Director of the cultural center was angrily berating her neighbors for interfering.

“I say to the neighbors, well done! Why does it matter to you?” Hawa Djabili shouted at passersby. Asked why the donkey was still outside, she replied Lola “needed to breathe.” (So nothing to do with the rugs then…..)

The Brussels police said they planned to return with animal welfare officers to remove Lola if the centre did not comply with the order to keep the donkey indoors.

The animal is appearing in a play called “The Palestinian” at the Arab Cultural Center that runs until this evening.

…. and they say “the law is an ass,” In Belgium it’s all just so much bigger then they could have dreamed.

"Christ she's noisy. I bet the neighbors didn't get a wink of sleep all night. These theatrical types, eh?" — “Christ she’s noisy. I bet the neighbors didn’t get a wink of sleep all night. These theatrical types, eh?”

View from a Rhino House: water into wine, & back again……

First it was hoarding toilet rolls, now, with no miracle in sight to end Venezuela’s foreign currency problems, Catholic churches are being told to ration wine.

“We’re instructing the priests & bishops to ration the sacramental wine & look for alternatives,” said a Church official.

The Church says the problem arose when the local supplier of the specialty sacramental wine used at Mass had a bad harvest. They turned to importers for help, but the companies told them it was almost impossible to obtain foreign currency to bring the wine into the country because of Venezuela’s strict currency controls.

President Maduro says right-wing opponents & “unscrupulous businessmen” are trying to sabotage the economy & his new administration by hoarding products.

He has rebuked Venezuelans for unnecessary “panic-buying” & has held talks with business leaders to try & ease the situation amid serious world-wide piss-taking over the country’s shortage of toilet paper.

Just to rub a little salt into the government’s wounded pride, a shortage of wheat flour has also hit production of the bread used for communion wafers, Church leaders say.

Meanwhile, the local Catholic Church has given priests permission to use different types of wine for communion.

“In extreme necessity they can use Chilean or Argentine wines of good quality – French, Spanish & Italian too, but they are very expensive,” said an internal church memo.

When they start to serve a 1990 Petrus at communion I shall convert & emigrate immediately (taking a years supply of toilet paper & wheat crackers with me).

View from a Rhino House: politics & poltergeists

In Japan, Prime Minister Shinzo Abe & his wife have repeatedly postponed moving into their official residence. The building is the site of several assassinations & the delay has revived talk of poltergeists & ghosts in the corridors, prompting a government spokesman to deny any knowledge of hauntings.

The couple have not moved into the prime minister’s official residence during the 5 months since he took power.

After questions from an opposition MP about the reported hauntings, the government issued a formal statement at the weekend saying it was “Not aware of any ghost sightings,” according to media reports.

The residence was built in 1929 & was the site of several military rebellions, including one in 1932 when then-Prime Minister Inukai was assassinated.

There have been rumors of poltergeists & ghosts in the building for many years, even after it was remodeled in 2003. It was officially designated as the official residence for the prime minister & the premier’s family in 2005, having previously been used as the Prime Minister’s office.

Prime Minister Abe has given no explanation for the delay in moving in, but it is not uncommon for the premier to take some time before taking up residence, particularly if his wife does not like the wallpaper.

"We need to talk about running an inflationary economy driven by an artificially depressed currency. Wooooooo......" — “We need to talk about running an inflationary economy driven by an artificially depressed currency. Wooooooo……”

View from a Rhino House: what, no humbugs?

Discount retailer Lidl faces a €200,000 Christmas dinner bill after an offer of chicken vol-au-vents & ice cream cake for the poor went viral.

The supermarket launched a Twitter campaign in Belgium this week, saying it would hand out 5 four-course Christmas dinners to food banks for each tweet on a hash tag.

Lidl had expected to hand out about 1,000 of the €20 dinner packs, consisting of tomato soup, vol-au-vents with chips, an ice-cream cake & chocolates, a spokesman for the German-based company’s Belgium unit said on Wednesday.

But local newspapers wrote about the offer & 1.500 people retweeted using the hash tag – #luxevooriedereen (Dutch for “luxury for everyone”).

By the end of the 24-hour campaign Lidl was committed to delivering 7,500 dinners. To quell rumors that the store chain had been caught-out, Lidl rounded up the number of dinners to 10,000, & branded the campaign “a success”.

Lidl said it had not yet decided whether to repeat the exercise next year.

“We’ve learnt quite a few lessons over the past 48 hours, to say the least,” a spokesman said.

Not quite a balanced diet, but very welcome at this time of year, no doubt.

The better class of banker..... — The better class of banker…..

View from a Rhino House: nearer my God to thee….

Vatican officials say that Pope “Gangnam” Benedict, who is known not to love computers & writes all of his speeches by hand, will shortly have his own Twitter account, probably by the end of the year.

“It will be an officially verified channel,” said a Vatican official.

The tweets will be taken come from his weekly general audience (“An audience with Benny”?), Sunday blessings & comments on major Church dates. They will also include reaction to major world events, such as natural disasters. So maybe we will see a few carefully worded complaints against his Boss, but don’t hold your breath.

The aging leader of the world’s 1.2 billion Roman Catholics will not, of course, write the tweets himself, but he will sign-off on them before they are sent in his name (not you notice, in the name of his Boss).

It’s going to be fun to try & watch “Old Wordy” squeeze the gist of a papal encyclical, most of which exceed140 pages, into 140 characters. More likely those tweets will probably be limited to a link to a url.

The papal handle has not yet been revealed but it is widely expected to be @BenedictusPPXVI, his name & title in Latin (nice to see a little class appearing amongst the twitteratti).

In a statement last year, the Pope said the possibilities of new media & social networks offered “a great opportunity”, but warned of the risks of depersonalisation, alienation, self-indulgence, & the dangers of having more virtual friends than real ones (I wonder if you can have more “followers” than “real believers”?).

In 2009, an improved Vatican website, http://www.pope2you.net, went live, offering an application called “The pope meets you on Facebook”, & another allowing the faithful to see the pontiff’s speeches & messages on their iPhones or iPods.

Now when they tweet God’s #hashtag, mobile number & e-mail address, I’m going to be all over it like a rash – & let’s face it, it’s got to better than yet more Stephen Fry.