The honeymoon

John & Alice separated shortly after their honeymoon when they both signed-up for post-traumatic stress disorder therapy in separate states.

Caring & sharing #139

Dear Agony Aunts

I have just discovered (on my honeymoon) that my husband is not interested in any sort of physical relationship between us. You can imagine how disappointed & upset I feel, & it’s not like there was any indication before this that there was anything to worry about. I know we hadn’t actually done “the deed” before the wedding (we both have busy jobs & travel a lot) but I’ve been banging his brother for 5 years now & never had any grounds for complaint or the faintest suggestion that he would in any way fall short of his brother’s performance (they’re identical twins).

What the hell should I do? I’m not keen on the idea of giving-up on a sex life nor sharing a life with this impotent little wimp!

“Claire”

Dear “Claire”

Surely the answer is obvious? Dump the impotent little wimp & shack-up with the brother; you probably don’t even need to go through the bloody ceremony again, since they’re identical twins, & let’s face it, no-one’s going to be any the wiser.

If the little runt objects, or the brother doesn’t want to play ball (which sounds like it would be a first) we’d suggest a small but fatal accident might be worth considering & we’ve mailed you our pamphlets “Accidents in the home & how to engineer them” & “Creative widowhood” which can at least ensure that you can grieve with a reasonable standard of living to look forward to. 

Let us know how you get on.

Aunts

Love can be no tougher….