Sharing & caring #198

Dear Agony Aunts

I am not attractive to women & I thought that after my lottery win you could perhaps give me some pointers on how to find the sort of woman who could love me just for myself (now that I can actually afford to keep her).

Any suggestions would be gratefully received!

“Diptheria Jones”

 

Dear “Mr. Jones”

Change the name & have “I am a lottery winner” stencilled onto your forehead in primary colours & in large letters; then walk out of your front door & just wait.

We’re pretty certain that Miss Right should turn-up within a couple of minutes.

Aunts

Love can be no tougher….

Caring & sharing #149

Dear Agony Aunts

My wife has recently eloped with a lottery winner, leaving me, our 4 kids, a sick dog & a mortgage seriously in arrears behind her.

How can I win her back?

“Lionel”

 

Dear “Lionel”

We’d suggest cosmetic surgery, a penis extension & winning the lottery; not forgetting of course to change your name in the meantime to “Rip” or “Randy”.

Perhaps you ought to consider whether or not you actually deserve her back – surely she is entitled to a brief (or even hopefully permanent) moment of true happiness in the arms of a man who can fully meet her needs as a woman? If you truly love her you’ll let her go to enjoy a new destiny that is beyond anything you, the kids, dog & mortgage could ever offer her; & if you’re really more worried about the mortgage why not contact her new lover to negotiate either a one-off transfer fee or monthly rental arrangement?

Time to think of her, we think, rather than your own selfish concerns.

Sorry to hear about the dog.

Aunts

Love can be no tougher….